Fuck yeah

Lakers are one game away from conference title. They better put them away in Denver.

According to my latest Facebook quiz, which turned out wonderfully: I am a very mysterious and secluded person. I limit interactions to a select few. These are my closest companions. I am all grace and intelligence. When I move, it is with purpose. When I speak it is with wisdom. But do not forget the importance of play! The Dolphin is here to remind me that life is not all proper and poise. It also needs a little time to enjoy myself and those I love.

Lakers on the brink

The Lakers have looked like drug addicts in their series with the Rockets. Houston is missing their two best players (Yao and McGrady), yet have still won three games, a couple of them in embarrassing fashion. Kobe gives it his best every minute of every game, but the supporting cast, with the possible exception of Gasol, are mailing in lacksadaisical performances. Bynum seems to be the key -- if he plays well, scores 10-14 points and clogs up the middle, the other guys are comfortable scoring and playing perimeter defense. But if he's plagued by foul trouble, immobile or ineffective, the interior defense melts and Houston penetrates for points in the paint. LA then brings help from outside and Houston sinks 3's. Come on, guys, if you can't win this series, you're not champs, and you have championship talent, don't disappoint the glitterati at courtside.

Now that Darius Miles is out of the league, Artest and Marbury vie for the title of biggest head case. At least Artest is a force to be reckoned with, Marbury is just a weirdo with a space alien noggin, big mouth and toddler attitude.

No hookers, please

I post ads on Craig's List in an effort to find friends. Friends, not a wife, girlfriend, casual hookup or fuck buddy. I'm lonely and want to make friends and I want some of these pals to be female. Yet most of the respondents to my sincere ads are only interested in jacking me up for cash. Perhaps our crapper economy is at fault, but it would be splendid if I could hear from women (or men) who are like me, lonely but genuine, maybe new in town, interested in bicycling, watching movies, eating out, shopping, caring for the lawn, walking dogs. I have nothing against working girls, I'm just not interested in finding one. I'd rather jerk off.

Big mistake

I keep hoping this is a bad dream and that I'll wake up in my apartment.

Feeling powerless

Hundreds of abandoned dogs in Malaysia were rounded up and dispatched to a remote island, where they are starving to death and turning to cannibalism.

Another bad morning

Overwhelmed with grief. Walking fast in an effort to outpace it.

He should know -- he's one of them.

Pope warns of extremists exploiting religion to further their own political agendas.

Sabie

7/4/95 - 5/6/09. Rest in peace, sweet baby girl.

Opportunity cost

I just spent 20 years in this room with the blinds drawn. Did I miss anything?

Everything's fine

Business as usual.

The only higher power I invoke

I'm wiped.